I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
