No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
