There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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