His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
