There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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