Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
