I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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