I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
