Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i only shaved half my leg
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.