also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence