sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?