i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future