you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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