A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
