Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
did i walk over a car last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
