I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
