What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
