I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
