i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
