wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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