Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
