You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
