The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
