Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I cut my penus on the lid.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
