so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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