Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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