I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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