I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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