Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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