Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need to wash the frat house off of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
