I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
