You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
