Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
