I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
