i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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