I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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