sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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