Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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