Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
