i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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