Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
