$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
