I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
