I wish I only lived at night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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