yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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