im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
