Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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