you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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