Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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