Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
