I think im going to throw up on grandma
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Randomize