garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
