He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My liver just had a heart attack.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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