i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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