i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
