Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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