She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
