answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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