You work out of a Hotel?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found the puke drawer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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