I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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