i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
